Let’s Untangle the Knot: Helping Big Kids Navigate Big Emotions
- Amanda McKinney
- Jul 12, 2025
- 3 min read
When Big Emotions Live in Little Bodies (and You’re the Safe Place They Crash Into)
There’s no soft intro here. My boys feel big.
I’m talking full-body meltdowns over broken LEGO guys, dramatic speeches about sibling injustice, and the kind of wild-eyed overwhelm that makes you wonder if you’ve completely lost control of your household (and your eyebrows).
They’re not toddlers anymore—but the feelings? Still loud. Still tangled. Still so much.
And yet—over and over—I come back to this:
God didn’t make a mistake. He didn’t accidentally dump too much emotion in the mixing bowl. He designed my kids this way—on purpose. And He chose me—on purpose—to help them carry it.
Emotions Live in the Body
(And Sometimes, They Get Stuck There)
In our family, we talk a lot about where emotions “live.”
Anger in the big toe
Joy in the ear
Frustration in the elbow
Sadness behind the knees
Fear in the belly button
We started doing this when they were calm. Because when big emotions show up, it helps them locate and name what’s happening inside.
Because emotions aren’t just “bad behavior.” They’re full-body experiences. They swirl, spike, clench, and tighten. And when too many show up at once, they get tangled in a knot right in the chest.
That’s when the lid blows off. Or the light goes out. Or they crumble in a heap of “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I’M MAD!”
What I Do in That Moment
(Even if they don’t want it)
No, they don’t always want to be touched. No, they’re not asking for a hug. But I know what their body needs.
So I do this:
Step-by-step:
I scoop them up and sit on the ground. Criss-cross, lap open, calm-ish.
I wrap them in a deep, firm hug. (It’s called proprioceptive input—your nervous system loves it.)
I gently rock side to side. Slow, rhythmic movement helps calm the brain.
I give a little shimmy or shake. (Yes. Really. It’s playful and it untangles the tension physically and emotionally.)
I whisper, “Let’s untangle the knot.”
When they soften, I ask:“Are you feeling mad?”“Did sadness get stuck too?”
Then I say, “Where does that feeling live again?” And when they answer—“My elbow,” or “my big toe”
Place my hand on their chest, give a little rub or wiggle, and gently trace the emotion back home. From the heart to the elbow. From the heart to the toe. And we breathe.
We repeat. Emotion by emotion. Until the knot is gone and their body says, I’m safe now.
It’s not magic. It’s co-regulation. It’s sensory-informed. It’s what Jesus does for us on the daily—He meets us where we are and stays with us through the storm.
Why This Works
(No Textbook Required)
When your child is overwhelmed, their “thinking brain” goes offline. They’re running on pure emotion—and no amount of “Use your words” is going to work until they’re regulated again.
This method works because it combines:
✅ Deep pressure (hug)✅ Rhythmic movement (rocking)✅ Sensory grounding (tracing emotions back home)✅ Naming and connection (helping the brain and heart work together again)
You’re not just calming them down. You’re giving their body a map—and you’re saying, I will walk it with you.
For the Mama in the Middle of It
Maybe today was loud. Maybe you yelled. Maybe you’re crying quietly into your lukewarm coffee wondering if you’re failing.
You’re not.
Your child’s deep feelings are not a parenting flaw. Their meltdowns are not the measure of your motherhood. Their sensitivity is not your shame to carry.
It’s their design. And you were handpicked to steward it.
So when the knots show up and the feelings roar—don’t panic. Sit down. Hold tight. Breathe deep. And whisper,
“Let’s send this one home.”
Because none of this is too big for God. And none of this is too much for you.
Want to Try It?
🎁 I made a free printable Emotion Home Map and a Parent Guide just for you! It’s black-and-white (printer-friendly), ready to color together, and easy to revisit whenever emotions feel overwhelming.
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